Weeks can go by and you hardly notice.
Then the minute someone who can't stay is with you, the time seems to go in fast forward.

It hardly seems possible to be saying good-bye again.
I die a little inside with each good-bye.
So proud, so worried, so happy so discouraged, how can so many emotions be in one place at one time.
I woke up and made cookies and sandwiches for him to take on his road trip back to California in his new Mini Coupe!

My heart is proud that he is grown and working and making a way for himself in this world.
And I worry that he won't make good decisions. I worry that he won't want to serve God. I worry that his heart is not where it should be.
But, then I realize, It's his journey. Its all the bumps in the road that make his way differnent than mine.
I can't walk the journey with him all I can do is wave and pray.
But I want to be the person who goes down the highway and fills in the cracks. you know with that toilet paper stuff? Thats what I want to do for him. Fill in the cracks.
But he doesn't even see the cracks are there!
So I wave and I pray.
God has called him for such a time as this. Let him keep his way pure, Let your face shine upon him. Let your uncommon favor rest on my son.
Phillipians 1:6 FOr I am confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to comletion until the day of Christ Jesus.

So I wave, and pray.

Happiness and joy overwhelm my soul as I prepared for Jon's first return home since last July and his 7 month deployment to Afghanistan.

I cleaned his room, dusted every nook and cranny, washed the sheets and returned them to his bed. Where very soon he would be resting. There is a very good chance that while he is sleeping I will be standing at the door of his room peeking to see him safe and sound in his bed. It may sound creepy but if your a mom you know you would do it too!!

This day is to be special. Our friends and family are going to be here waiting when we come home, to welcome Jon home!
Cookies are plated water jugs are full. WELCOME HOME JON sign is ready. Neighbors are anxiously waiting.

Proudly Donning our Black,gold and red Marine T shirts with flags and welcome home sign in hand we make our way to the Minneapolis Airport.
Upon our arrival we realize we are at the wrong Airport!!! We need to be at Terminal 2 not Terminal 1. So Laughing we run to the car pay our 3 dollars robbery charge for our 5 minute stay at MSP international! Quickly make our way to the other terminal.
Waiting at the door upstairs with all of our gear on we must have been quite a site for others to observe. Waiting for the sliding door to open and reveal to us our Marine Son. There he is, I see him walking, I can hardly contain myself but I have to because I need a good picture of his sisters jumping on him yelling, "WELCOME HOME JON!!!!!"
It was an amazing thing to hold that man in my arms and look at his face. My son is home.
Turning onto our street was an absolutely amazing sight.
The street was lined with yellow ribbons on every tree. 10 motorcycles lined the street as the Freedom Riders came from our local Legion, to welcome home a fellow soldier!
I see friends and neighbors lining our street clapping and screaming and shouting welcome home!!!!! There must have been 75 people! It was Quite a sight to behold.
Donny is playing The Marine Corp. hymn on his electric guitar as Jon is now hugging friends and family.
We will most certainly be celebrating this homecoming all week!!!!

Tonight as I sit with friends at a house on a lake in Minnesota I cannot help but think that Jon would love to be here. There is one lone ice fisher out on the lake and you can actually see his light inside of his house.
Jon wherever you are tonight as I write this i miss you so much it hurts.
I cannot wait to see your smile again in person. I cannot wait to see you curled up on the couch on your stomach face first in the pillow, with your legs tucked up underneath you.
This deployment has gone so fast!! I can't believe it's almost over.
When you come home and I get to cut that yellow ribbon off of the tree out front, will be the happiest day of my life.
You are my pride and joy and I am so proud of you.

Tonight I am thinking about all that Jon told me about his recent trip to Kandahar.
Sounds like it was quite the little vacation. He said that they had a Burger King on base as well as a TGIFriday's. He actually got to eat a burger!!! He was saying how strange it was to see people together as couples and to see people with cell phones.
He said they got to wash their uniforms and actually smelled like detergent. Its been a while since they smelled anything good so when a woman with perfume would go by it caught his attention!!
They also got to play street Hockey. He happened to be there the weekend that Canada and USA played in the Olympics. They televised it but not in America, only Canada!! I watched and watched but never saw Jon. We were hoping!!!
He really had a good time in Kandahar. Who Knew?

Not to much longer and I will be able to see that boy again. I just want to wrap my arms around him and hug him as long as he will let me!!!

Lord today I pray for peace and strength and endurance for Jon. Help him to finish strong. Give him all needs and more! Remind him today of how faithful you have been to him throughout his life and throughout this deployment.
Remind him that his little break to Kandahar was designed by you for him! Keep him shielded and warm and protected.
Let him know how much I love him.
Make your face to shine upon him.

No matter where I am or what I am doing, as soon as my phone rings the weird number I have come to know as Jon's number,I answer. I cling to every word he says. Some days he is up and other days he is as down as down can be.
Today was a great day. He was so happy and upbeat. Gave me his throaty little laugh that I miss so much it hurts. He talked to me for 15 minutes.
Its always the best 15 minutes of my day!
I hang up the phone and floods of tears come to my eyes. Why is today different? Most days i can hang up and pray and no tears. But not today. My heart is heavy and I miss him like crazy. The uncertainty of when we will see him again weighs heavy on my heart. And so in my bathroom, I kneel to the ground and cry.
Even now as I attempt to write this my heart hurts. Tears fill my eyes so much I can hardly see the keys to type.
I miss him. I miss his face, I miss his messes, I miss his hugs, I miss the way he lays stomach first on the couch with his legs tucked up underneath him. When he was little we called that snuggy bug. I'm sure as a Marine he would want me to leave that part out. But I can't. I miss him.
Oh dear Lord you have had your hand of protection on him his whole life. you have led him to this strange land and you have protected him.
Keep him in your will and fill his mind with dreams. Give him direction and guide and protect him, all the days of his life. May he trust you with his everything.
Thank you Lord My son, My Marine, My Hero.

I haven't really cried in a while. Then all of the sudden this flood of emotion comes over me.
It will be a year since I have seen my son, by the time I get to see him again.

It floods me with emotion. I can't believe that much time can escape and I'm helpless to stop it.
My heart aches.
It kind of reminds me of when you lose a loved one. That feeling of the world carrying on without you.
People pass me in the grocery store but they don't even know what I feel. Then I want to just shout it over the loud speaker, MY SON IS IN AFGHANISTAN!!!!! Not for anyone to feel sorry for me or even to stop and say anything to me. I just want us all to remember that, the distracted lady in the syrup isle thats in your way, may have a kid in Afghanistan or may have just lost her mother to Breast cancer, Or any number of situations.

Lets not always jump to the conclusion that the crazy lady at the club that always has her cell phone with her, is just addicted to phone calls. Perhaps she is waiting for her son to call her from over seas. Maybe her husband that is on a mission in Iraq has not called for 2 months.
Maybe shes not crazy. Maybe shes waiting.
Waiting for the call that makes her day!
Waiting for the smile she has longed to see for a year.

So instead of judging the person in the car in front of you, or the lady at the club, or the one in the syrup isle that annoying you cuz she doesn't seem to be able to make a decision, pray for her.

It might be you thats distracted soon enough.

From out of the blue comes a text message, HEY MA.

I love that!!! Makes my day livable!!!

Laying in the warmth of my bed I feel guilty. I know the conditions in which Jon is living and it is hard for me to enjoy the things around me. I feel guilty. I want to enjoy my days but I just can't. Every freedom that I have during my mundane day is due to brave men like my son that have provided it. Then I feel guilty.

I feel grateful. Grateful for those who thought of this country and others before they thought of themselves.

No greater love has any man, that he would lay down his life for his friend.

I see a yellow ribbon tied to my tree everyday when I wake up.
It can't possibly be mine.
Thoughts of Jon at war race through my mind everyday. The unknown has been a scary place.
But then a friend said something to me today that I had never thought of. Maybe the unknown is better.
Really? It probably is true! I am not sure I really want to know all that is going on where Jon is.
I have enough fear to fuel a very rich fantasy life in my mind as it is when it comes to this deployment.
When I chatted with Jon on Facebook early yesterday morning, he was getting ready to leave on a mission.
I could sense he was looking forward to it. His level of need for adventure is off the charts. Its hard to describe my feelings about that. Of course you want your child to drive his own car, eventually move out of your home, find his own way in life. But big Adventures? Dangerous adventures? WHY?
God designed him this way. With a flare for accomplishing impossible things.
We have seen it since he was a little boy. At 2 years old riding a 2 wheeler, we thought it was incredible! At 2 Climbing a tree and falling out and telling us with blood crusted to his head. "Mom it was so cool to be high as the birds go I want to do it again, maybe the big tree this time"
This adult adventure is no different. He craves it, even thrives on it. I could feel it in his words yesterday. Something about the unknown thrills him.
What I pray for him is total success in everything he does.What I pray for him is God's uncommon favor to fly alongside him, to sleep alongside him, to drive along side of him. To be on him always in everything he does.
You know his ways oh Lord and so I pray you protect his path. However he chooses to travel on it.
May he have every adventure you have have called him to have, and those he chooses to take that you have not called him to, oh Lord that you would follow him and protect him through those as well.
And that you would then turn those adventures for your good.
Thank you God for making Jon an adventure seeker!!! As well as all the other men and woman that seek to protect this country. Protect them this day and always make your face to shine upon them.
Ease our fears as those who do not seek this adventure. But let us turn that fear into fervent prayers for those who do.