Friday, January 8, 2010

I see a yellow ribbon tied to my tree everyday when I wake up.
It can't possibly be mine.
Thoughts of Jon at war race through my mind everyday. The unknown has been a scary place.
But then a friend said something to me today that I had never thought of. Maybe the unknown is better.
Really? It probably is true! I am not sure I really want to know all that is going on where Jon is.
I have enough fear to fuel a very rich fantasy life in my mind as it is when it comes to this deployment.
When I chatted with Jon on Facebook early yesterday morning, he was getting ready to leave on a mission.
I could sense he was looking forward to it. His level of need for adventure is off the charts. Its hard to describe my feelings about that. Of course you want your child to drive his own car, eventually move out of your home, find his own way in life. But big Adventures? Dangerous adventures? WHY?
God designed him this way. With a flare for accomplishing impossible things.
We have seen it since he was a little boy. At 2 years old riding a 2 wheeler, we thought it was incredible! At 2 Climbing a tree and falling out and telling us with blood crusted to his head. "Mom it was so cool to be high as the birds go I want to do it again, maybe the big tree this time"
This adult adventure is no different. He craves it, even thrives on it. I could feel it in his words yesterday. Something about the unknown thrills him.
What I pray for him is total success in everything he does.What I pray for him is God's uncommon favor to fly alongside him, to sleep alongside him, to drive along side of him. To be on him always in everything he does.
You know his ways oh Lord and so I pray you protect his path. However he chooses to travel on it.
May he have every adventure you have have called him to have, and those he chooses to take that you have not called him to, oh Lord that you would follow him and protect him through those as well.
And that you would then turn those adventures for your good.
Thank you God for making Jon an adventure seeker!!! As well as all the other men and woman that seek to protect this country. Protect them this day and always make your face to shine upon them.
Ease our fears as those who do not seek this adventure. But let us turn that fear into fervent prayers for those who do.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Learning to trust

Looking over the events of the past several months I have realized one thing.
God has been truly faithful.
The night we talked to Jon before he left for Afghanistan was probably the most difficult night of my life. We talked for about 10 minutes and could feel the conversation coming to an end. We had him on speaker phone and I looked across the kitchen island at Kevin, my hand trembling, lips quivering and the conversation was over. I said to Kevin, "I can't push end. I can't breath!"
I walked to the sliding glass door and pretended to let the dog out. I walked out on to the deck.
The night was warm and the sky was perfectly clear. I looked to the west sky and hoped in some way that my heart felt love would be enveloped in the stars and somehow Jon would see them and feel it too. I sat on the steps of our deck and sobbed. I cried from somewhere so deep it hurt me physically. I literally could not breath. Kevin tried to snap me out of the fear that was entangling me. But it had a hold on me. I couldn't stop crying. The,what if's and the unknown's were consuming my spirit.
Kevin took me by the shoulders and said, "stop it Jenni your son is a Marine. he is ready for this and God has him in the palm of his hand."
I knew it was true and felt comforted for a moment but the waves of emotion kept coming like a flood. Then in my mind I remembered that I dedicated Jon to Lord when he was a baby. I needed to do it again. He was never mine to begin with. God gave him to me and entrusted him to me for a short time. To develop a man that would fight for the freedoms of this great country.
I did my job, its time for Jon to do his.
Peace swept over me. I felt like I was sitting in the cleft of the Rock. Protected. Peaceful. Powerless. It was then that I began to see, this deployment was meant for ME to grow.
I saw a warrior on the inside of my closed eyes. I know that He equips the called and Jon was indeed, called.
Peace. Floods of Peace.
Over the past 4 months God has held Jon in that cleft of the rock. He has protected Jon and put him in a place of safety.
All of this has come to the surface today as Jon called and told us his job has changed. He will be out on missions throughout Afghanistan for the duration of his deployment. With limited communication.
God, keep him as you have. Your faithfulness never fails. Hold him in the palm of your hand Lord and be his hedge of protection.
Let YOUR helmet cover his head, and his mind
May your Belt of Truth be buckled around his waist.
May your Breastplate cover his heart front and back.
May his feet always be in the place you have put him and that would bring him peace.
May your shield ward off the flaming arrows of the enemy.
May your sword which is your very WORD. Speak directly to him and cut away that which does not belong.
Be his guide Lord. Let every step he takes be ordered by you. No weapon formed against him shall prosper!!!!!
We are more than conquerors in Christ Jesus.