Learning to trust

Looking over the events of the past several months I have realized one thing.
God has been truly faithful.
The night we talked to Jon before he left for Afghanistan was probably the most difficult night of my life. We talked for about 10 minutes and could feel the conversation coming to an end. We had him on speaker phone and I looked across the kitchen island at Kevin, my hand trembling, lips quivering and the conversation was over. I said to Kevin, "I can't push end. I can't breath!"
I walked to the sliding glass door and pretended to let the dog out. I walked out on to the deck.
The night was warm and the sky was perfectly clear. I looked to the west sky and hoped in some way that my heart felt love would be enveloped in the stars and somehow Jon would see them and feel it too. I sat on the steps of our deck and sobbed. I cried from somewhere so deep it hurt me physically. I literally could not breath. Kevin tried to snap me out of the fear that was entangling me. But it had a hold on me. I couldn't stop crying. The,what if's and the unknown's were consuming my spirit.
Kevin took me by the shoulders and said, "stop it Jenni your son is a Marine. he is ready for this and God has him in the palm of his hand."
I knew it was true and felt comforted for a moment but the waves of emotion kept coming like a flood. Then in my mind I remembered that I dedicated Jon to Lord when he was a baby. I needed to do it again. He was never mine to begin with. God gave him to me and entrusted him to me for a short time. To develop a man that would fight for the freedoms of this great country.
I did my job, its time for Jon to do his.
Peace swept over me. I felt like I was sitting in the cleft of the Rock. Protected. Peaceful. Powerless. It was then that I began to see, this deployment was meant for ME to grow.
I saw a warrior on the inside of my closed eyes. I know that He equips the called and Jon was indeed, called.
Peace. Floods of Peace.
Over the past 4 months God has held Jon in that cleft of the rock. He has protected Jon and put him in a place of safety.
All of this has come to the surface today as Jon called and told us his job has changed. He will be out on missions throughout Afghanistan for the duration of his deployment. With limited communication.
God, keep him as you have. Your faithfulness never fails. Hold him in the palm of your hand Lord and be his hedge of protection.
Let YOUR helmet cover his head, and his mind
May your Belt of Truth be buckled around his waist.
May your Breastplate cover his heart front and back.
May his feet always be in the place you have put him and that would bring him peace.
May your shield ward off the flaming arrows of the enemy.
May your sword which is your very WORD. Speak directly to him and cut away that which does not belong.
Be his guide Lord. Let every step he takes be ordered by you. No weapon formed against him shall prosper!!!!!
We are more than conquerors in Christ Jesus.