Tonight as I sit with friends at a house on a lake in Minnesota I cannot help but think that Jon would love to be here. There is one lone ice fisher out on the lake and you can actually see his light inside of his house.
Jon wherever you are tonight as I write this i miss you so much it hurts.
I cannot wait to see your smile again in person. I cannot wait to see you curled up on the couch on your stomach face first in the pillow, with your legs tucked up underneath you.
This deployment has gone so fast!! I can't believe it's almost over.
When you come home and I get to cut that yellow ribbon off of the tree out front, will be the happiest day of my life.
You are my pride and joy and I am so proud of you.

Tonight I am thinking about all that Jon told me about his recent trip to Kandahar.
Sounds like it was quite the little vacation. He said that they had a Burger King on base as well as a TGIFriday's. He actually got to eat a burger!!! He was saying how strange it was to see people together as couples and to see people with cell phones.
He said they got to wash their uniforms and actually smelled like detergent. Its been a while since they smelled anything good so when a woman with perfume would go by it caught his attention!!
They also got to play street Hockey. He happened to be there the weekend that Canada and USA played in the Olympics. They televised it but not in America, only Canada!! I watched and watched but never saw Jon. We were hoping!!!
He really had a good time in Kandahar. Who Knew?

Not to much longer and I will be able to see that boy again. I just want to wrap my arms around him and hug him as long as he will let me!!!

Lord today I pray for peace and strength and endurance for Jon. Help him to finish strong. Give him all needs and more! Remind him today of how faithful you have been to him throughout his life and throughout this deployment.
Remind him that his little break to Kandahar was designed by you for him! Keep him shielded and warm and protected.
Let him know how much I love him.
Make your face to shine upon him.

No matter where I am or what I am doing, as soon as my phone rings the weird number I have come to know as Jon's number,I answer. I cling to every word he says. Some days he is up and other days he is as down as down can be.
Today was a great day. He was so happy and upbeat. Gave me his throaty little laugh that I miss so much it hurts. He talked to me for 15 minutes.
Its always the best 15 minutes of my day!
I hang up the phone and floods of tears come to my eyes. Why is today different? Most days i can hang up and pray and no tears. But not today. My heart is heavy and I miss him like crazy. The uncertainty of when we will see him again weighs heavy on my heart. And so in my bathroom, I kneel to the ground and cry.
Even now as I attempt to write this my heart hurts. Tears fill my eyes so much I can hardly see the keys to type.
I miss him. I miss his face, I miss his messes, I miss his hugs, I miss the way he lays stomach first on the couch with his legs tucked up underneath him. When he was little we called that snuggy bug. I'm sure as a Marine he would want me to leave that part out. But I can't. I miss him.
Oh dear Lord you have had your hand of protection on him his whole life. you have led him to this strange land and you have protected him.
Keep him in your will and fill his mind with dreams. Give him direction and guide and protect him, all the days of his life. May he trust you with his everything.
Thank you Lord My son, My Marine, My Hero.

I haven't really cried in a while. Then all of the sudden this flood of emotion comes over me.
It will be a year since I have seen my son, by the time I get to see him again.

It floods me with emotion. I can't believe that much time can escape and I'm helpless to stop it.
My heart aches.
It kind of reminds me of when you lose a loved one. That feeling of the world carrying on without you.
People pass me in the grocery store but they don't even know what I feel. Then I want to just shout it over the loud speaker, MY SON IS IN AFGHANISTAN!!!!! Not for anyone to feel sorry for me or even to stop and say anything to me. I just want us all to remember that, the distracted lady in the syrup isle thats in your way, may have a kid in Afghanistan or may have just lost her mother to Breast cancer, Or any number of situations.

Lets not always jump to the conclusion that the crazy lady at the club that always has her cell phone with her, is just addicted to phone calls. Perhaps she is waiting for her son to call her from over seas. Maybe her husband that is on a mission in Iraq has not called for 2 months.
Maybe shes not crazy. Maybe shes waiting.
Waiting for the call that makes her day!
Waiting for the smile she has longed to see for a year.

So instead of judging the person in the car in front of you, or the lady at the club, or the one in the syrup isle that annoying you cuz she doesn't seem to be able to make a decision, pray for her.

It might be you thats distracted soon enough.

From out of the blue comes a text message, HEY MA.

I love that!!! Makes my day livable!!!

Laying in the warmth of my bed I feel guilty. I know the conditions in which Jon is living and it is hard for me to enjoy the things around me. I feel guilty. I want to enjoy my days but I just can't. Every freedom that I have during my mundane day is due to brave men like my son that have provided it. Then I feel guilty.

I feel grateful. Grateful for those who thought of this country and others before they thought of themselves.

No greater love has any man, that he would lay down his life for his friend.

I see a yellow ribbon tied to my tree everyday when I wake up.
It can't possibly be mine.
Thoughts of Jon at war race through my mind everyday. The unknown has been a scary place.
But then a friend said something to me today that I had never thought of. Maybe the unknown is better.
Really? It probably is true! I am not sure I really want to know all that is going on where Jon is.
I have enough fear to fuel a very rich fantasy life in my mind as it is when it comes to this deployment.
When I chatted with Jon on Facebook early yesterday morning, he was getting ready to leave on a mission.
I could sense he was looking forward to it. His level of need for adventure is off the charts. Its hard to describe my feelings about that. Of course you want your child to drive his own car, eventually move out of your home, find his own way in life. But big Adventures? Dangerous adventures? WHY?
God designed him this way. With a flare for accomplishing impossible things.
We have seen it since he was a little boy. At 2 years old riding a 2 wheeler, we thought it was incredible! At 2 Climbing a tree and falling out and telling us with blood crusted to his head. "Mom it was so cool to be high as the birds go I want to do it again, maybe the big tree this time"
This adult adventure is no different. He craves it, even thrives on it. I could feel it in his words yesterday. Something about the unknown thrills him.
What I pray for him is total success in everything he does.What I pray for him is God's uncommon favor to fly alongside him, to sleep alongside him, to drive along side of him. To be on him always in everything he does.
You know his ways oh Lord and so I pray you protect his path. However he chooses to travel on it.
May he have every adventure you have have called him to have, and those he chooses to take that you have not called him to, oh Lord that you would follow him and protect him through those as well.
And that you would then turn those adventures for your good.
Thank you God for making Jon an adventure seeker!!! As well as all the other men and woman that seek to protect this country. Protect them this day and always make your face to shine upon them.
Ease our fears as those who do not seek this adventure. But let us turn that fear into fervent prayers for those who do.

Learning to trust

Looking over the events of the past several months I have realized one thing.
God has been truly faithful.
The night we talked to Jon before he left for Afghanistan was probably the most difficult night of my life. We talked for about 10 minutes and could feel the conversation coming to an end. We had him on speaker phone and I looked across the kitchen island at Kevin, my hand trembling, lips quivering and the conversation was over. I said to Kevin, "I can't push end. I can't breath!"
I walked to the sliding glass door and pretended to let the dog out. I walked out on to the deck.
The night was warm and the sky was perfectly clear. I looked to the west sky and hoped in some way that my heart felt love would be enveloped in the stars and somehow Jon would see them and feel it too. I sat on the steps of our deck and sobbed. I cried from somewhere so deep it hurt me physically. I literally could not breath. Kevin tried to snap me out of the fear that was entangling me. But it had a hold on me. I couldn't stop crying. The,what if's and the unknown's were consuming my spirit.
Kevin took me by the shoulders and said, "stop it Jenni your son is a Marine. he is ready for this and God has him in the palm of his hand."
I knew it was true and felt comforted for a moment but the waves of emotion kept coming like a flood. Then in my mind I remembered that I dedicated Jon to Lord when he was a baby. I needed to do it again. He was never mine to begin with. God gave him to me and entrusted him to me for a short time. To develop a man that would fight for the freedoms of this great country.
I did my job, its time for Jon to do his.
Peace swept over me. I felt like I was sitting in the cleft of the Rock. Protected. Peaceful. Powerless. It was then that I began to see, this deployment was meant for ME to grow.
I saw a warrior on the inside of my closed eyes. I know that He equips the called and Jon was indeed, called.
Peace. Floods of Peace.
Over the past 4 months God has held Jon in that cleft of the rock. He has protected Jon and put him in a place of safety.
All of this has come to the surface today as Jon called and told us his job has changed. He will be out on missions throughout Afghanistan for the duration of his deployment. With limited communication.
God, keep him as you have. Your faithfulness never fails. Hold him in the palm of your hand Lord and be his hedge of protection.
Let YOUR helmet cover his head, and his mind
May your Belt of Truth be buckled around his waist.
May your Breastplate cover his heart front and back.
May his feet always be in the place you have put him and that would bring him peace.
May your shield ward off the flaming arrows of the enemy.
May your sword which is your very WORD. Speak directly to him and cut away that which does not belong.
Be his guide Lord. Let every step he takes be ordered by you. No weapon formed against him shall prosper!!!!!
We are more than conquerors in Christ Jesus.

A Christmas Story

We spent Christmas day on the road on the way to North Carolina to meet up with Kevins family. For a little Snowboarding and frolicking in the snow!!
We were in Wisconsin when Kevins phone rang. It was Jon!!! We had not talked to him in 15 days!!!!! What a beautiful Christmas gift!!! WE talked to him for about 10 minutes and he sounded very upbeat!! What a precious gift. Thank you Lord. I pray somehow someway he had Christmas in his heart.
We ended up having to stop in Indiana for the night due to icey road conditions.
Christmas night it is difficult to find anything open so we ended up eating Hot Dogs from a Super America!!! It was Hilarious!! Chips and hot dogs for Christmas dinner hardly seemed right but it sure was funny!!!!
The rest of the trip was uneventful.
We are staying at a beautiful condo in Maggie Valley North Carolina.

So then Tuesday the 29th Katie, Kim, Josh, and Tim went Snowboarding at night. The Mountain Is about 3 miles from where we are staying. During the 2nd run down the hill some crazy kid ran into Katie which pushed her into Josh and they got all tangled up. Somehow in the mess, she hit her head on Josh's snowboard. They had to call an ambulance.
Tim called us but it was very broken. All we got from the conversation before his battery went dead was, Katie has a head injury. The ambulance will meet you at the bottom of the hill.
We had no idea what she hit. Was it a tree? Was it a Pole? We had no clue how bad it was except for the fact that they were transporting her by Ambulance!!
Kevin, Papa and Me all left the condo for the mountain. We tryed to get a hold of Tim to see if the ambulance was meeting us at the bottom of the mountain or the bottom of the ski hill. But we couldn't get a hold of him, so up we went. Kevin was cruising at about 50 up hairpin turns. Being scared to death of heights it was the least of my concerns. I heard the ambulance and then saw it in the mirror. It was behind us!!!! I kept telling Kevin that he should move over so they could get to her before us. Being as they could actually help her. But there was simply no way in their rig that they would ever catch us.
We Got to the top of the mountain and jumped from the car while papa took the car to find somewhere to park. The ambulance backed in and the medics got out asking where she was. She was not down the hill yet. Of course I could hardly see straight i was so scared for what condition we might find our Katie in. I over heard a man who witnessed the accident, telling the medic that she hit at 30 mph.
That would be the point wher Jenni lost it completely. Clutching My father in laws arm,crying fiercly, scared to death, I see a sled coming down the hill with a man snowboarding in front while a man skiing was keeping the controls in the back. Whistle blowing and a mans voice yelling for people to get out of the way. The sled came to a stop the bottom of the hill. All i see is my baby girl wrapped in a blanket with a full neck brace and oxygen.
I noticed a crowd gathering at the bottom of the hill and heard someone say they had stopped the lifts.
I tryed not to cry but come on!!! Thats my baby laying there. Being taken into an ambulance.
The driver tells me to take the seat in the front of the cab.
The drive seemed to take forever and I'm sure it didn't.
Once we arrived at the hospital Katie was talking and I could tell that she was going to be ok.
They transfered her from the stretcher to her bed in the ER and Katie asked the medic, Rebecca, if she could take a picture together!! I knew she was ok.
The CT came back normal and we were released from the Haywood Regional Medical Center.
Thanking the Lord that our baby girl was going to be ok.